Toxicity is fun. Mhmm, I said it and I’m sorry but it is. I mean the dynamics of a toxic relationship are intoxicating. The game is hard, absolutely and its painful to go through. But it can be fun, entertaining and you very well may feel like it will all workout in the end. But let me tell you, it usually doesn’t and if it does, the more power to you.
It’s important to come to terms with your potentially toxic relationship. In this case I’m talking about a romantic relationship, but the same goes for your friendships as well. Friendships can be toxic, and you may be feeding off that energy. But protect your energy at all costs, not just your physical energy or your time, but the protect the light that surrounds you. Toxic relationships can truly destroy who you are as a person, so it’s important to take a step away from the game, the chase, the toxic lifestyle and say, “Bye Puddin.” (Yes, that is a Harley Quinn reference.)
I have been in my fair share of toxic relationships while I was in college and it cost me a lot of tears and heartache. But I became addicted to the game. It was exhilarating when things worked out, but it was also exhilarating trying to get them too. But it’s also hard to admit that I was putting myself in situations that would ultimately lead to failure and a broken heart. It took me a long time to realize what I was doing. Because no one ever really comes out and says I love toxic relationships, because in reality who does? It’s not supposed to be fun, but it some how is. It’s confusing. So to remove myself from that lifestyle I had to realize my own toxic traits.
I found that when I really looked myself in the mirror and asked myself why my relationships kept failing, I was the common denominator. Not saying that they didn’t play a role, but at the end of the day, you can only control your actions and yours alone. Following that discovery, I had to ask myself why was I chasing these toxic relationships? And I found that, I loved the challenge and the idea that I could fix someone. I could change someone who maybe had already been fighting their own demons and I could make them better. As humans I feel as though we often times try to fix people we care about for the better, and mold them into our image instead of truly loving them for who they are.
So, I fell in love with the chase, and I accepted the challenge. I did realize that it wasn’t going to be an easy path, but maybe I could make them love me and be the successful one at doing so. I’m telling you this to hopeful, convince you to stop and save you from the heartache. I participated in this behavior while I was in undergrad and it almost cost me not only my degree, but my relationship with myself. I barely recognized myself anymore because the toxic relationship I was participating in took me down a very dark and destructive path.
I recognized it was time to shift my behavior and say goodbye, when I no longer could look in the mirror and see my light. Toxic relationships manifest in many different ways. They don’t always have to be extremes. You don’t have to be in a physically or verbally abuse relationship for your relationship to be toxic. Toxic relationships in my opinion can be as simply as someone trying to imagine a perfect relationship/situation where there clearly isn’t one. You almost begin to play a mind game with yourself. Telling yourself it will all be okay if you continue to chase, or if you do this that and the other. But at the end of the day honey, you know deep down it’s time to let go before you lose yourself.
Letting go is never easy, especially when you are undoubtfully invested in your situation. But save yourself first. That relationship may manifest itself when you both have time to grow, and truly become who you are supposed to be. You may return to each other but before you do, make sure your light is shining bright.